Journey From Infertility to Parenthood

Since the day we announced we were pregnant with twins, we've heard the same questions asked over and over by friends, coworkers, strangers in the grocery store, strangers on the airplane, strangers in the waiting room, you get the idea.

"Do twins run in your family" (Nate's mom is a twin)
"Were you trying for twins?" (Is there such a thing as trying for twins?)
"Were you surprised to find out you were having twins?" (Of course I was!)
"Are they natural?" (As opposed to unnatural?)
"Did you do in-vitro?" (Well isn't that a bit nosy?)

All of these questions are really asking one thing, some more politely than others: did we use fertility drugs to conceive our twins? Yes. This week is National Infertility Awareness week and although the ladies in the grocery store won't be reading my blog, I figured I might as well put our story out there to answer what everyone is really asking as well as to give some hope to those who are battling infertility.

Like our birth story, our infertility story probably contains too much personal information for some of you, so go ahead and skip to the end to see some cute pictures :)

Our story starts long before we were married. As a teenager, I was always very irregular. Of course, at the time, I didn't really mind going months at a time without a period. I always figured it was just because I was so active and involved with sports and such. I didn't ever think there was anything wrong per say. When I was in college, I took a chronic disease class, and learned about polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I immediately recognized many of the symptoms in myself. I went in to my ob-gyn and announced that I was sure I had this disease. I'm  pretty sure she thought I was a know it all with an over-active imagination. She didn't do any tests or anything. She just put me on birth control and told me that would make me "regular." I didn't care about being regular, I just wanted to know if there was something wrong with me!

Fast forward a few years. After we'd been married for a time, we decided we were ready to expand our family. We were optimistic that we would get pregnant soon! Six months after I quit taking birth control, I had only had a period twice. Those months were hard because after not having a period for 60+ days, you start to get hopeful that you must be pregnant. Nope, not the case.

I hadn't been to a doctor since moving to Arkansas, so I was planning to get established with an ob-gyn anyway, so I decided I might as well bring up the fertility issue while I was there. I honestly didn't ask around for recommendations or anything. I just googled doctors in the area and picked the one that was closest to my work in Fayetteville. But it turned out to be a great decision. Many doctors make you wait at least a year before stepping in to help, but based on my history, the doctor felt there was no reason to wait.

Over the next couple of months, the doctor ran several different tests and discovered my hormones were completely out of balance and I was not ovulating. He felt confident that it would be a simple fix. A couple rounds of Clomid should do the trick. Turns out it wasn't so simple.

We did 6 cycles of Clomid with increasing dosages. Three of those were "failed cycles" because I still did not ovulate and had to have a shot of Provera in the bum to induce a period. If you've ever been on Clomid or known anyone who has been on it, then you know it turns you into a crazy person! You've heard of a little thing called PMS? That's nothing, trust me! Clomid causes severe hot flashes and wild mood swings; poor Nate had to put up with my irritability, aggression, sadness, and never knew what to expect from me.

At this point the doctor was unsure why my body was resistant to the Clomid and still wasn't ovulating consistently. He decided to run some more tests at which point I was diagnosed with PCOS. Wouldn't you know it? Turns out I was not a hypochondriac back in college after all. He suggested we add Metformin to the Clomid and do a few more cycles before trying anything else. Metformin is actually a drug used to treat type II diabetes but many PCOS patients find it helps them conceive. One of the side effects of Metformin, especially when you first start taking it, is nausea and tummy issues. Oh joy, now I was moody and sick to my stomach! We did several cycles of the Clomid/Metformin combo. My hormone levels were much better but I still wasn't pregnant!

Once again the doctor was unsure why I wasn't pregnant yet and decided to perform a hysteroscopy to search for further problems. And further problems he found. He found endometriosis and uterine polyps, both of which were causing some blockage. We decided the next step would be laproscopic surgery to treat the endometriosis and a dilation and curettage (d and c) to remove the polyps. The surgery went well and once again, the doctor was optimistic we would get pregnant soon. (I tell you what, we sure had an optimistic doctor for so many failed attempts! But his positive attitude did help us to stay hopeful.) After recovering from surgery, we decided to try one more month of clomid/metformin before moving on. I ovulated when I was supposed to, my numbers looked great, but alas no pregnancy.

My period started on New Year's day, but I felt full of hope. It was the start of a new year and time to start a new treatment. We decided to try intra-uterine insemination (IUI). I stayed on the clomid/metformin regiment to stimulate ovulation. We had an ultrasound on day 11 and the doctor saw two eggs waiting to be released. Then we did a "trigger shot" in the bum of HCG on day 14 to induce ovulation. We did the IUI on day 15 and then just waited. Oh the dreaded two week wait! Day 29 rolled around and I decided to brave the test (actually three tests).......Positive!!!!! Finally! A couple of weeks later we had an ultrasound and were overjoyed to discover we were having twins! (Nate was relieved we weren't having triplets.)

Looking back now, the whole thing seems like a short moment in my life, but at the time, it seemed to go by agonizingly slow! Every month I felt like a failure and wondered why people like Snookie could have a baby but I couldn't. Every time someone complained about how awful pregnancy was or how hard motherhood was, I wanted to scream that I would gladly take their place! Granted, I've discovered pregnancy can have some awful moments and motherhood is hard, but you won't find me complaining. I thank God every day that I have these two beautiful girls to love and raise.

Infertility is unfortunately so common these days. 1 in 8 couples will struggle with this. Someone you know is fighting that battle or perhaps you have faced the difficulties of infertility yourself. It is a heart wrenching disease and one that so many people fight privately so please just remember there are people all around you who need your love and support!

Our miracle babies on their birhdate. 

And now they are 7 months old! 

Photo booth at the downtown square

Mommy and her babies!

Post-Partum Recovery From Twin Pregnancy

The babies are 6 weeks old today!!! Holy cow, how did that happen? It's been a blur of crazy, wonderful days. Everyone I see asks me how I'm doing recovering from carrying twins and delivering them via c-section. While it hasn't been a picnic, it certainly hasn't been a terrible ordeal either.

I'd always heard how awful c-sections were and that the recovery was so much worse than a vaginal delivery. Maybe I'm an anomaly, but I honestly didn't think it was that bad. Of course I've never experienced a vaginal delivery, but I'm kind of okay with not having that joyous experience of pushing a baby down and out the birth canal. Especially Lydia; have you seen the size of the head on that kid!?!?  I stayed on top of taking my pain meds once I came home and really felt like any pain I had was quite manageable. Obviously, I didn't do too much other than sit on the couch in the beginning, but that was more from exhaustion than pain. I would say within 10 days, I felt pretty good. The biggest thing for me is my posture has really suffered because I don't have the core strength anymore to hold my frame up. My back is constantly sore from trying to compensate for the lack of ab muscles. Also, my incision site occasionally tingles, but other than that, I don't have any lingering issues from the c-section.

People say weight is just a number, and I really believe that now. I currently weigh about 10 pounds less than I did pre-pregnancy but I miss my old body! I'm pretty sure I've lost every ounce of muscle I once had. I used to consider myself to have an athletic build, but I'd say I have more of a Pillsbury build now; I just feel doughy! The good news is I've been released to start exercising again. The bad news is I went for my first post-partum "run" today and only made it around the block; literally, one block people! It was pathetic, and Nate says I looked like a Grandma out for a shuffle. As pathetic as it was, I was still a little proud of myself :)

Before.....

After

So that's basically what's up with me. I know y'all check out my blog just to catch a glimpse of my sweet babes so here's a little eye candy for you.

Lydia

Eden

Our Twins' Birth Story

Birth stories are inherently chalk full of way too much personal information, so if you'd rather not know the 411 on my body, you best skip this blog post. I didn't want to forget the details of the day, so I apologize for the never-ending birth story!

After being admitted to the hospital for pre-term labor and placed on bedrest at 33 weeks, I was shocked to make it to 37 weeks and 4 days before finally delivering. It was a bittersweet month. By that last week I was bigger than a small house and slower than a maimed turtle! I've decided it's all part of the plan. All women become so miserable by the end of their pregnancy that they are willing to do whatever it takes to get that baby here, be it pushing a watermelon sized head through a garden hose sized opening or allowing a doctor to slice through layers of tissue and muscle, take out all your innards, rearrange them, and stuff them back in your body. Only an extremely pregnant, miserable woman would welcome such experiences with open arms.

The last ultrasound we received in Little Rock showed both babies head down so we were given the green light for a vaginal delivery. Wahoo! However, our growth scan on Thursday, showed Baby B had performed some amazing feat of acrobatics and had turned yet again so unless she managed to flip head down again soon, we would most likely be having a c-section.

Friday morning, we had our weekly appointment with our doctor. Throughout the pregnancy, his plan was always to deliver me at 38 weeks in the unlikely event that I made it that far. We went in to this appointment, hoping he would be willing to move up that date a few days due to some concerns. Of course, I was impossibly huge and my body felt like it could not take one more day of being pregnant but we were more concerned with other issues. Our growth scan had shown Baby A to be significantly smaller than the other one and we were worried she wasn't growing very well. Then at the doctor appointment Baby B was not reactive on the non stress test.The nurse had to "buzz" me several times to try to get the heart accelerations they were looking for. They left me lying flat on my back on that stupid table for so long, I thought I was going to pass out! Besides our concerns about the babies, there were a few worrisome things for me as well. My blood pressure had gone up, there was protein in my urine, my swelling had increased, and I had gained several pounds seemingly overnight- all signs of pre-eclampsia. I was also having regular, painful contractions every night for hours on end that appeared to be doing nothing as I was not any further dilated than before. We talked about all of these concerns with our doctor and he said we were really in that gray area: my blood pressure wasn't that high, there was only a small amount of protein in my urine, Baby B eventually was reactive on the monitor, Baby A was small but appeared to be on the same growth curve from the last scan, etc. All of our concerns had merit but then again they could all be nothing. We didn't want to deliver early if the babies weren't ready and have them end up in the NICU but we didn't want to leave them in if something was wrong. Our doctor said if we "twisted his arm" he would deliver that day but he recommended waiting until the full 38 weeks. We decided to schedule the c-section for next week and wait to hit 38 weeks. We left the office with a mixture of emotions. On the one hand worried we'd made the wrong choice and frustrated that we had to wait five more days, and on the other hand at peace. I felt like if something was really wrong than either I would be inspired to know we needed to act or my body would naturally go into labor before our scheduled date. Lucky for me, that turned out to be true.

That night (Friday) my contractions started up again. I kept track of them for several hours. They didn't appear to be getting any closer or stronger. I know the rule is 5-1-1 (five minutes apart, lasting more than 1 minute, for more than 1 hour) before going into the hospital. Mine were pretty variable from 4-10 minutes apart, so I figured I wasn't in "true labor." But then I decided why wait to be in true labor? If I was going to have a c-section anyway, there was no reason to wait for more pain, right? We decided to head up to the hospital just so the doctor could monitor the contractions and more importantly make sure the babies were reacting ok to them. I knew we'd be sent home but it's not like I was sleeping much anymore with being so miserable, so why not go hang out at the hospital for a few hours in the middle of the night?

Chilling in the waiting room. Check out that giant belly!

We loaded up and headed to the hospital around 11:30 PM. I almost told my mom to stay home and go to bed because she wasn't going to miss anything, but changed my mind just in case. We waited in the ER for 30 minutes before being taken up to labor and delivery. Luckily, my contractions weren't really painful as no one seemed to be in any rush. They hooked me up to the monitors and then we just waited. I was delighted that my nurse was the same one who was there the night I went into pre-term labor last month. She was awesome and I felt blessed to have her there! Turns out my doctor was the one on call. After being hooked up to an IV, my contractions slowed way down, and I was afraid my doctor would think I made it all up and just wanted to trick him into delivering early :) Fortunately, he did not think that. In fact, I think it was another blessing that he was the one on call. Because he had seen me that morning, he knew of our concerns already and he could tell my swelling had increased even more. He was worried because my blood pressure had also increased from that morning. I was also further dilated. I feel like if another doctor had been on call, they probably would have indeed sent us home as my contractions had pretty much stopped by that point. Instead, he came in the room and declared I had pre-eclampsia and with all things considered, felt immediate delivery was the best option. Now is where I started to have a mini panic attack. What, we're not going home? I didn't seriously think I was delivering today! I just found out we'd have to have a c-section recently; I hadn't had time to properly prepare myself! Ready or not, these babies were coming and coming soon, as in within the next hour!

Everything happened very quickly at that point. I filled out all the paper work- twice, one for each baby. The anesthesiologist came in and explained what was going to happen with the spinal block. My nurse came in for final preparations that included shaving me and inserting a catheter. Fun! I had heard it's pretty standard to be shaved before a c-section and had planned on doing it myself before my scheduled date. Although, logistically, I'm not sure how that would have worked as my big, fat belly prevented me seeing anything! They brought Nate a jump suit to wear in the operating room and then it was time.

I walked myself down the corridor, kissed Nate goodbye, and headed into the OR. He had to wait outside until they were ready to begin surgery. I was extremely nervous for the spinal block, but I had an excellent anesthesiologist who was very reassuring and explained what he was doing and what I would feel as he was doing it. My nurse also did a great job keeping me calm. I think she must have been an angel. The spinal took forever and I began to worry it wouldn't work and I would feel everything! The anesthesiologist was having trouble getting in between my vertebrae because they were so tight. After several attempts he ended up having to go higher up on my back. Almost instantly I began to lose feeling and started shaking uncontrollably. Apparently, the shakes are a normal side effect. It was the strangest thing when the doctor asked me if I could move my legs and I couldn't budge an inch. They put up the screen, let Nate in the room, and started slicing away. Of course, I couldn't feel the slicing, but as they started rearranging my insides to get to the babies, I definitely felt a lot of tugging and pulling. I pictured them, literally pulling all my organs out and then putting them back in, but Nate watched the whole thing and assures me that didn't happen. The anesthesiologists sat right by my head and continued to give me a play by play. He told me it was going to feel like someone heavy was sitting on my stomach because they were going to push the baby out, and then, out of no where I heard the most pathetic squak and was shocked to realize that was a baby crying! 3:28 AM Baby A was here! They whisked her to other side of the room to check on her and get her cleaned up. I couldn't see her, but Nate got to cut her cord and make sure she was alright. It seemed to take a long time before I heard the next cry. Later, Nate told me the doctor was doing all sorts of maneuvers to get Baby B out. She was lying transverse up in my rib cage and had gotten herself stuck! But four minutes after the first one was born, at 3:32 AM, the second one joined her in the world. She was having a hard time breathing, so they immediately hooked her up to oxygen. As they took care of her, I heard someone singing to her her first lullaby, Happy Birthday. It was kind of funny and I wasn't sure if it was the drugs or if I was really hearing it. By the time they brought the babies over for me to see, I was throwing up and totally missed it. And then suddenly Nate, the babies and 2/3 of the army in the OR were gone and everything was very quite. The longest part of the whole surgery is really just getting stitched up, which was probably 45 minutes. As they worked on me, one of the nurses told me Baby B was having problems with her blood sugar and they needed to supplement her immediately with formula. I, of course, gave my permission. After they finished stitching and stapling me, one of the nurses realized they were missing a needle. Great! One of my biggest fears of surgery was about to come true. Is it possible they left it inside of me?!?!?! They searched and searched and finally called someone in from x-ray to see if it was inside of me. Fortunately, by the time they got there, one of the nurses found the needle not inside of me!

So much for looking fabulous after birth! At least my babies look cute.

They wheeled me back to my room to recover and shortly there after brought the babies in. MY babies. Finally, I could see and I could hold MY babies. It was a very surreal moment but also a very foggy one. Those drugs were killer! I basically was unconscious the rest of the day and remember very little. I was shocked when I saw a picture of myself holding both the babies. Who in their right mind entrusted me, all drugged up, weak, and completely out of it, to hold two babies at once?!?! As the day went on, I started to come out of my haze. I tried to drink some juice with my pain killers. Threw it all up, so they decide to administer pain meds through the IV. They gave me some morphine which put me right back in my haze. Eventually, I awoke from my stupor and decided I needed to get up and walk around. I had heard the sooner you get up and move after a c-section the better the recovery. I tried to walk around the room with the help of the nurse and Nate. Threw up, again. But by the end of the night, I managed to walk 20 feet down the hallway and back. What an accomplishment!

We weren't able to decide on names until that night, as anytime Nate tried to talk to me, I just fell asleep. We eventually decided on Eden Leslie for Baby A. Just as we had seen on the growth scan, she was indeed our little munchkin at 5 pounds 1 ounce. We chose Lydia Eliza for Baby B. As the pediatrician put it, she had been taking more than her fair share of the groceries and weighed in at 7 pounds 6 ounces. She continued to have problems with her blood sugars and had to be put on an IV for a couple days, but was perfectly healthy by the time we took them home four days later. They were actually ready to come home before I was! I had some lingering effects from the pre-eclampsia most notably my blood pressure would not come down. They finally started me on blood pressure medication and are continuing to monitor me.

Getting ready to leave the hospital.

First family photo leaving the hospital

So tiny in their big carseats

Did I have the kind of birthing experiences I always pictured? Not exactly. There were things that were better and things that were worse than I imagined and some things that were just plain unexpected. But honestly, I'm just so thankful to have two beautiful, healthy, baby girls and I wouldn't change a thing.

My beautiful baby girls!

Still Pregnant Update

Have you ever dreamed it was Christmas? You wake up full of excitement and head to the living room to see what Santa brought you, only to realize it's only December 1st and you still have weeks until Christmas! That's how I feel about our babies' birth, or rather lack of birth. Don't get me wrong; I'm so grateful they weren't born at 33 weeks when we were sent down to Little Rock. I know they will be much healthier and stronger now. But we got all psyched to meet them, and here we are three weeks later with no indication that they will be making their arrival anytime soon afterall.

We were released (again) from the hospital in Little Rock on Thursday the 29th and finally allowed to come back home to Bentonville. Since then, I have been on "modified" bed rest, meaning I thankfully, don't have to be in bed all day but I am restricted in my activity level. No housework, no walking or standing for extended periods of time, basically no unnecessary strain on my body. Even if I didn't have those restrictions, I think I'd still be in the same boat. I've reached that point of hugeness where my every movement requires so much effort and is incredibly uncomfortable. Come to think of it, the uncomfortableness requires no movement at all; that's just a constant :) So the majority of my day is spent alternating between my couch, my bed, and my recliner with a short walk to my mailbox or someplace equally exciting. I've been blessed to have great friends and have at least one visitor a day, so I get a little social interaction. I also hit up family members back home on skype when I start to get bored or lonely. I try to take a short outing every once in a while. You're likely to find me at Walmart around 10:00 PM in a wheelchair with Nate pushing me around the store. I always hope we don't run into anyone we know, but I've convinced myself it's less embarrasing to be pushed in the wheelchair than ride the motorized scooter! Nate's also become an excellent "house husband" keeping up with all the housework in addition to going to work and trying to finish all his yard projects at the same time. What a man!

At my last doctor's appointment, both babies looked great! My contractions are few and far between now and the doctor really had no concerns. We're just playing the waiting game now. I'll be 36 weeks on Tuesday and will be induced at 38 weeks if the babies haven't come by then. So at least I know we're down to 2 weeks! In the meantime, I have way too much time to stare at their swings and cribs and everything else we set up in anticipation of their arrival. But I can't complain: I'm glad they've had this extra time to bake and I'm finding ways to enjoy all this downtime as I will never have it again in the next couple of decades!

Almost 36 weeks

Swings and carseats just waiting for babies!

Hospital "Adventures" Continued

There is a fine line between being optimistic and delusional. I tend to lean a bit towards the delusional side. I am 34 weeks pregnant today and had convinced myself that we would be allowed to go home today, but alas, it appears my fantasy will not become a reality.

We have had quite the experience since being airlifted down to Little Rock a week ago. After the doctors were able to put a stop to my preterm labor, we spent several days in the hospital for observation. Everything seemed to be back to normal and I was hopeful we would not have any further complications. The doctors felt confident in releasing us from the hospital, however we couldn't go home. Apparently, once you've been admitted to this hospital, you can't go home until your doctor agrees to take you back into his care.We soon found ourselves in limbo. So we got sent to "camp." This is not your typical camp. There are no crafts or hikes at this camp. Simply boredom and bedrest. Camp is basically a hotel right next to the hospital that they send nomad patients like ourselves. It is actually a pretty neat program as the hospital pays for your stay and provides food. A nurse checks on you once a day and there is a free shuttle so you can get to the hospital quickly should an emergency arise.

All seemed to be going well and I was sure it wouldn't be long until my doctor agreed to take me back. Sunday morning I awoke to very strong and frequent contractions, so back to the hospital we went. (But not before I put on makeup, brushed my teeth, and combed my hair. Just in case this was birth day I wanted to have a presentable picture for the blog.) The contractions were anywhere from 1-5 minutes apart but the babies looked good and I wasn't dialating any further so I wasn't admitted and they sent us back to camp. The doctor said because my uterus is expanded to the size of full term for a normal pregnancy, my body thinks it needs to contract, so it is normal for me to have such frequent contractions throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. Oh goodie!  I'm just loving this chronic contraction business. I was told to come back if I started experiencing stronger pain or had other signs of labor.

Well, Monday morning brought that stronger pain. I woke up to strong contractions, body aches, chills, fever, and nausea. Uh oh, I don't think this is normal. Off to triage we go. "Oh hello, back again?" This time the news wasn't so good. I was running a temperature over 100 degrees, my blood pressure had shot up, I was dilated another centimeter, my heart rate was very high, and most concerning was the babies' heart rates were extremely high as well. I began to worry we would have to deliver that day for the babies' safety. I was so weak and out of it, I was sure there was no way I would be able to push them out! The doctor worried I had some sort of infection, virus, or the flu. They ran a whole battery of tests which included me getting stuck four separate times for blood work (twice because one nurse didn't know the other had already done it. Lucky me) and a nose swab for the flu (pleasant experience). They hooked me up to an iv, gave me meds for reducing the fever, and finally, hours after getting there in terrible pain, gave me the sweet nectar of a narcotic! Relief! Eventually everything came down: fever, heart rate, blood pressure, babies' heart rates. They aren't sure what caused all of it or what really helped, but I'm grateful to be pregnant another day. Besides, I looked absolutely terrible and wouldn't have been able to share a post-birth picture if I delivered yesterday!

34 weeks pregnant and the size of a normal 40 week pregnancy. Is it possible to grow larger?

Pre-Term Labor at 33 Weeks

I had my first helicopter ride yesterday. You could say it was not exactly the experience I imagined it would be. On the Bachelor, there are always several dates consisting of a romantic fly over of some fabulous place with talk of how amazing the view is and how special the other person is. Well my experience consisted of me crying while leaving Nate on the helicopter pad, taking in the views to exotic Little Rock, and having conversation such as, "Let me check your urine bag" and "Do you need stockings on your feet?" But I‘m getting way ahead of myself.

I've been having contractions for several weeks now but last week they started occurring much more often. I talked with my doctor about it at my appointment, and he told me if it continued to come in and see him or go to the ER if it was after hours. I had a couple nights that I contemplated going to the hospital, but I didn't want to be a paranoid first time mom. The contractions always went away and I felt better in the morning, so I figured it was nothing. Saturday night, after several hours of pretty regular contractions, I decided to call the ER and speak with the OB doctor on-call. I explained the situation to her and she made me feel like I was overreacting and everything was fine. She told me to wait and see my doctor on Monday or if I REALLY felt it was necessary, I could come in and she would check my cervix if she thought it was necessary. I felt stupid after that conversation and decided not to worry about it.  Sunday night the same thing happened but I didn't call the hospital for fear that it would be the same doctor and she would just dismiss me again. So I decided I would go to my doctor's office first thing Monday morning.

Monday morning, I was one of the first people in the doctor's office and I was eager to talk to my doctor just to be reassured that everything was ok. Well I didn't even get to see my doctor. They had me talk with one of the nurses. I told her what had been going on and got the same feeling from her as I did the other doctor. I got the distinct impression of being dismissed again. I was told to drink water, lie down, empty my bladder, blah, blah, blah. I'd already done all those things and it hadn't made a bit of difference. Why couldn't I just see my doctor? I was sent away and told to call if I started bleeding or my water broke or something more serious. That was so frustrating to me. Why would I wait until I was actually in labor to get help?!?!? Hello, I'm trying to prevent having these twins too early. Apparently, nobody else thought there was anything wrong, so perhaps I really was paranoid.

I decided to just go about my normal day after that. I went to work, swam laps at the gym, came home and rested, went out to P.F. Chang's with friends. I was having contractions thoughout the day but they weren't super painful and I'd already talked to a doctor and a nurse about it and neither were concerned. The hospital is actually right by the restaurant, so when we left I just had a feeling that I should try one more time to get some help. If I was told it was nothing again, I would let it drop once and for all and stop worrying about it. Nate agreed, and we headed over to the ER. I was admitted, and the nurse hooked me up to some monitors to check the babies' heart rates and see how often my contractions were occuring. I actually felt like they were coming less often and less intense than before we got there, so I was sure I would be discharged and sent on my way. Turns out I was having contractions about every 4 minutes (which I wasn't even realizing half the time) and they decided to start me on magnesium to try and stop the contractions. Finally! Someone was taking me seriously! My nurse was an angel and the doctor on-call was one I'd actually met with when my doctor was out one time, and I felt I could trust him. I believe it was a tender mercy from God that this nurse and doctor were the one's taking care of me. So they started me on magnesium (which sucked), gave me steroid shot in the booty to help the babies' lungs develop (which sucked), and inserted a catheter (which sucked the very most!!!) The magnesium slowed my contractions a bit but not much. By 4:00 AM, the doctor told us we would be transported to the hospital in Little Rock that specializes in premies because there was a good chance these babies were coming.

Now we get to my helicopter ride. Nate wasn't allowed to go with me, so he would be making a 3+ hour drive down there instead. I didn't want to leave him and I was scared the babies would come before he would get there. It was an awful feeling leaving him on the helicopter pad, and I am sure it was just as bad for him helplessly watching me and the babies fly away. I spent the flight doubting myself and blaming myself. Maybe I put too much strain on myself giving Ollie a haircut, I should have stayed home from work and rested, I shouldn't have gone swimming, they say spicy food can cause labor and I should have listened, I got too prideful that my pregnancy was going so well that now I'm being punished. I don't honestly believe I brought this on myself, but at the time I was in a low place.

Nate hurried home to pack some things for us and get everything in order. But what do you do when you don't have any clue how long you will be gone for, when the babies are coming, or what you will need? You get awesome reinforcements from your friends and family, that's what you do. I was so amazed at how quickly word spread and we had people offering to take Ollie, take care of our lawn, check our mail, clean our house, do our laundry etc. I seriously have no words for how grateful I am for everyone who has jumped in to help. Not that there was ever a good time to go into pre-term labor but this was terrible timing. That morning we were supposed to get our carpet replaced, take Ollie to the vet, pick up some friends from the airport, and help them move in to their new place that night. Bryson and Alyssa stepped in to take care of all of that. We left our house in total disarray with all our living room furniture crammed into the kitchen and the carpet ripped out of the living room, but I know when we finally make it back home, everything will be in order thanks to them.

Back to the story. I arrived in Little Rock hours ahead of Nate. It was scary being alone and having to make decisions about what would be best for the babies, but I also felt a sense of peace. I felt I was in the best place possible and everything would be ok. Every time a different nurse or doctor came in, I got a different story: we're not going to delivery these babies today, we're trying for a vaginal delivery, we're doing a c-section, we need to wait until the second steroid shot can be administered and go into effect, your contractions are happening more frequently, your dilated a bit further, your contractions are slowing down. Finally the good news came that the contractions were under control, I wasn't dialating any further, and we were out of the woods for now. They removed the iv's, all the monitors, the catheter, and I was finally allowed to eat and drink and get out of bed for a little bit!

Today has been uneventful which is wonderful. They plan to keep me here indifinitely since things can change so quickly. The babies may come tomorrow or I may hangout here on bedrest for weeks. Who knows? All I know, is we have felt the prayers of so many said on our behalf. Everyday that passes improves the babies' prognosis and will hopefully decrease the time they have to spend in the NICU. I know God is a God of miracles and he is watching out for my little ones. We have faith that He has a plan for us and everything is going to work out for the best. I am so grateful for a loving husband who has been by my side faithfully (except when they made me leave him) and I am so blessed to be married to him. He is going to be a wonderful father! We appreciate continued love, support, and prayers from all of you.

Today they let me take a shower and wear pants!  After lying in my sweat in the same gown for days it felt amazing to shower and put on clean clothes. And my bum doesn't hang out for all the world to see anymore! 

The Third Act

I've officially entered my third trimester! The first trimester brought extreme exhaustion, the second trimester brought terrible heartburn, I'm thinking the third trimester will bring hugeness......
I'm finding all my preconceived notions of what kind of pregnancy and birth I would have are false. First, I never dreamed I'd be pregnant with twins. Second, I thought I'd have a fabulous, natural, water birth. Third, I'd planned to keep up my running through the entire pregnancy. Fourth, I thought I'd work full time up until the day I went into labor. Well, these babies have plans of their own!
We had out latest ultrasound on Tuesday and were excited to see two healthy big girls. One of the babies is in the 90th percentile for growth and the other is not far behind! I'm not kidding when I say hugeness is just around the corner for me. The only bad news is the naughty monkeys have flipped and neither is head down. They still have time to get in the right position, but they'll be running out of space pretty quickly. It seems more likely we will end up having a c-section. In the beginning I was 100% against a c-section but I've found my chi and accepted that it may happen and it won't be the end of the world. Those of you that have had c-sections, any thoughts or advice based on your experience?
As for the running, I said goodbye to that one months ago. I have taken up swimming though, and I have to say it is fabulous! All day long, I feel like a beached whale, but when I'm swimming, I'm just a whale happy to be back in the water. Not only do I feel weightless, but all the strain is taken off of my back and hips and there is no pain or discomfort. Of course, the second I get out of the water, that glorious feeling subsides and I waddle back over to my towel. But for 30 minutes, I feel awesome!
On the work front, I'm still working full time but I've let my employer know I won't be returning after maternity leave. I plan to work through the end of August and wait out the last few weeks at home doing last minute preparations and taking lots of naps :)
Life as we know it is going to change very drastically, very quickly. But I say bring it on!

Here we have the lovely profile of Baby B. What you can't see in this picture is that Baby A keeps kicking her in the face; hence, she has to raise her little fist to protect herself!

Here's Baby A's foot. She didn't pose very well for a face shot, but  a foot picture is cool too. 

Maternity Photos

This whole pregnancy, I've debated whether I was going to get maternity pictures taken. On the one hand, I wanted to document the experience of pregnancy, but on the other hand, I wasn't sure I wanted an entire photo shoot dedicated to highlighting my ginormous belly. I had just about decided to skip it when Nate's cousins, Jeff and Carly, moved to Bentonville. Carly took our wedding photos and they were beautiful, so I knew she would do a great job with maternity photos too. She did not disappoint! We absolutely love the pictures. Thanks Carly!!! Here are a few of our favorites.

Growth Spurt

Hello 22 week baby belly! I'm pretty sure these babies are getting bigger by the minute. But no complaints here; I'm just happy they are healthy and growing. They are quite active these days as well. Nate got to feel one of them kicking the other day. He thought that was pretty cool and I'm pretty sure we have two soccer stars on our hands. Which is no surprise considering Nate and I are their parents :) Our next ultrasound is in a couple of weeks, so we're excited to be able to see them again and make sure they are still both girls! One of them was a bit stubborn last time so we're only 80% sure she's a girl.

Nate set up both the cribs the other day. I get scared every time I open the door and see two cribs! I can practically see two little girls sleeping (I hope sleeping, not screaming) and start to panic a bit. 

I have to admit, its been quite fun to bargain shop for the babies. We got one crib from our neighbor, one from Craigslist, and Alyssa got the changing table for us for free from someone at church! Wahoo! Are they all cutesy and matchy? Nope, but I'm pretty sure the babies won't notice or mind. It's been almost addicting to find deals everywhere from ksl.com to consignment sales. I've even started keeping a spreadsheet of our baby purchases and I can't help but brag. We've  spent $378.50 as opposed to $1242 if we would have bought new or full price of the same items. That's a total savings of $863.50! I'm practicing my frugal skills that I am sure will come in handy while raising twins. 

GIRLS!

We had our full anatomy scan on Thursday and were thrilled and shocked to find out we are having two GIRLS! In my mind, I thought we were having a boy and girl or possibly two boys. I didn't even consider two girls. So much for mother's intuition! Haha. Nate had to warm up to the idea of Daddy-Daughter dances rather than Father-Son campouts as well. ("I hate dances!") Once we got over the initial surprise, we immediately fell in love. We're going to be waist-high in ruffles and bows in just a few short months and couldn't be happier! Those of you with girls, any advice for us??????

18 weeks, 4 days pregnant with twins

Family Photo

Sewing For Baby Bump

I decided to pretend I'm actually good at sewing today. Maternity clothes can be expensive so I thought I'd try my hand at making a nice knit skirt with a stretchy yoga waist band. It cost me about $8.00 but next time, I'll make sure to use a coupon and hopefully save a bit more on the fabric. This is the tutorial I followed http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2011/03/womens-skirt-with-yoga-style-waist-band.html.

I've yet to sew something without screwing it up somewhere along the way. I had several blunders today, but I have to say my favorite was when I accidentally sewed the top of the skirt completely together eliminating the hole to step through. I didn't even realize I had done it until I tried to attach the waist band and was startled to discover there was no longer an opening in the skirt! Whoops. It seems I spend a good deal of my sewing time unpicking my seams and fixing my mistakes. Oh well. In the end, it turned out quite cute and I'm certain I can make another one in half time with half the mistakes and hopefully half the price.

See my nice stretchy waist band. I have it folded down in the picture but I can also wear it up over my belly as it grows.

Here's my first baby bump picture at almost 15 weeks pregnant with twins!

The Double Line

In case you're not friends with me on Facebook and missed the memo, here's a quick update from my life.

Nathan and Laurel sittin' in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love,
Then comes marriage
Then comes……
You guessed it, the baby in the baby carriage! We are expanding our family this September. But wait, let's not forget the rest of the song.
Get out the diapers,
Get out the pins,
Laurel and Nate are having TWINS!

As a side note, while it may seem rather teenage pregnancy-ish to buy a pregnancy test from the dollar store, they really work. So next time, rather than paying $7.00 for a stick to pee on, just head to the Dollar Tree or Dollar General for a $1.00 test!

We are super excited and feel incredibly blessed for these two little miracles from God! We should find out the genders in 4 weeks, so stay tuned......

Not that you can actually see anything in this picture, but here's our ultrasound at 10 weeks.